Stress about getting pregnant is real. Here’s how to overcome it.
Save these strategies for stress reduction and better navigate the rollercoaster of emotions that come with trying to conceive.
Having a baby is supposed to be a fun time — right? That’s what everyone tells you. You probably even thought at one point in your life that sex definitely lead to pregnancy. A thought that might have scared you a little.
Getting pregnant, as we now know, is not always such a simple thing. And if it’s taking longer than you hoped, the stress can become overwhelming. You might even start obsessing over the trying to conceive (TTC) process: from timing sex juuust right to cancelling plans during your two-week wait.
Adding to this, if you’ve experienced loss or difficulty in your conception process, you might be feeling even higher levels of stress, sadness, or disappointment.
The Research on Stress and Fertility
You’ve probably heard of fight or flight before, the notion that we either run away from battle or scratch and claw our way to survival. When we’re feeling stressed, our body’s natural response is to turn on its fight or flight response.
This response signals a release of hormones, like cortisol, which can lead to physiological changes that negatively impact your reproductive health in the long-term. It can also cause an increased heart rate, shortness of breath, anxiety, headaches, and more.
Prolonged exposure to stress and high cortisol levels may also lead to something known as hypothalamic amenorrhea, a condition where the menstrual cycle shuts down and ovulation stops entirely.
If you’re experiencing chronic stress, it could also affect your libido, leading to a decrease in the frequency (and pleasure) of the sex you have. Thus turning sex into more of a chore than something you actually want to participate in.
Of course, even if stress isn’t affecting your chances of conceiving, it may be negatively impacting your life. That matters, too. And the unfortunate, but probably obvious news, is that stress is especially common among people who are having trouble getting pregnant:
- One study followed 352 women seeking treatment for infertility and found that more than half of them showed signs of depression.
- Another study of 112 women found that 40% of participants had a diagnosable mental health issue during the course of reproductive treatment, such as generalized anxiety or major depression.
- Stress levels can increase as more time without successfully conceiving passes by.
All of this to say: if trying to conceive causes you stress, that stress could then equal a more difficult time conceiving, which could then equal even more stress… and the cycle continues.
So what do we do about it?
How to Overcome Stress While TTC
We can’t always change our circumstances around getting pregnant, but we can control how we cope with the challenges in our lives. Saying, “just relax,” or, “stop obsessing over it,” are typically not helpful or useful — whether someone is saying it to you or the phrases have become your inner monologue.
Instead, try these tips to find healthy ways to reduce your stress and express any emotions related to trying to conceive.
Practice Mindfulness & Meditation
There is a mounting body of evidence in support of meditation that shows the myriad benefits it has for you. Meditation reduces stress and anxiety, increases mindfulness and awareness, and helps you fall asleep and stay asleep longer. All these things in turn help your fertility.
Don’t just take our word for it though, study after study supports the use of meditation as a stress-reducer, with one 2021 randomized controlled trial finding that a mindfulness program reduced stress in women who have had multiple miscarriages.
Mindfulness interventions are also effective for improving both the mental health and relationships of women diagnosed with infertility, as well as specifically for those undergoing in vitro fertilization treatments.
Journal Your Honest Thoughts
Journaling might sound tedious if you aren’t one to normally write things down. The great thing about journaling though, is that you get to decide exactly how you want to go about the process.
Explore your honest, most private fears, thoughts, and feelings in a place that is just yours. Will you ever have a child? What if we can’t afford another round of IVF? How would I feel if I saw a negative pregnancy test? These are all examples of questions you might work out or more positively reframe while journaling.
If you’re worried about anyone seeing your journal, try hiding it somewhere only you know about, or simply dispose of the entries after you feel settled at a stopping point with your writing.
Plan Intentional Self-Care Time
Self-care isn’t just eating healthy and making good lifestyle choices. We say anything that makes you feel good counts as self-care. Whether it’s a long bubble bath, doing your skincare routine, watching a sultry show, or just sitting in silence.
The key here is to be intentional about taking this time to de-stress and find some calm in the chaos of trying to conceive. Carve out a specific day and time that you can stick with and make that your unapologetic, uninterrupted self-care time.
Find a Support Group
We weren’t designed to go through life alone. That village everyone talks about is so needed, even in our age of hyper-connectivity and smartphones. When it comes to infertility, loss, or if you’re just starting the process, a welcoming group where you can learn, share, and grow is vastly underrated.
A support group hosted by an expert in the field is also a great way to get unbiased insight and advice about your journey. A safe place to share your feelings, connect with others in a similar situation, and simply allow you to be seen and heard — sounds nice, doesn’t it?
Exercise, But Don’t Overdo It
Physical activity both lowers stress and boosts fertility, but be careful not to overdo it. While the “right amount,” of exercise can be beneficial for women trying to get pregnant, too much can actually have the opposite effect, particularly in combination with energy deficit.
The general recommendation is 1 to 5 hours, per week, of moderate activity. If you have concerns about your unique needs, be sure to talk with your doctor before you plan to add in a new workout routine.
Similar to meditation, yoga and pilates can help relieve tension. They may also reduce the production of stress hormones affecting your chances of getting pregnant. If you’re looking for low-impact, high-result workouts for your prenatal routine, you might want to start here.
Have Sex for Fun
Remember when you and the person you’re trying to make a baby with used to have sex, like, all the time? Back before life got busy and it became more of a task than something that was pleasurable.
If this sounds familiar, try to be proactive in finding time for sex. For example, if you or your partner are too tired in the evening, try moving sex to the mornings. Or, if you need a little romancing before sex—or maybe you just want more one-on-one time with your partner—plan a special date when it works for you both.
While sex can help reduce stress, it’s more likely to do so when you aren’t feeling the pressure of trying to conceive. Wherever you are in your cycle, plan time for sex that you have just for the joy of having sex.
You Are Not Alone in Your TTC Journey
Oftentimes, when we’re going through a rough spot, it can feel like it’s only happening to us. The world closes in and self-isolation just seems to happen — but you are not alone.
1 in 5 women in the United States will experience infertility. The factors contributing to an increased risk of infertility include age, egg quality, lifestyle choices, stress, and more.
Using the tools you learned here can help you create a foundation of strength, support, and self-care for the immense emotions of infertility, loss, or preparing to conceive.
Wherever you fall on the fertility spectrum, Expectful is here for you, helping to answer questions and provide scientific advice along the way.
